did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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