all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
