Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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