I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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