He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
