Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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