cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
