so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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