She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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