I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
