she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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