I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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