the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
