I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
