His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
