you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
