Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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