Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
