So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
