Well apparently he's into motor boating.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
