Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
