I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
