i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
