Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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