I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
