i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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