so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
