Define "chronic" masturbator.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
