I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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