my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
