my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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