u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
