If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
