It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
just come out here and I will go home with you...
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
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