when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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