look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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