My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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