butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
this boner is exhausting
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
