im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
