How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
