no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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