Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
