His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
