THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Barsexuality is the new black.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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