He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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