I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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