i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
