all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
