Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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