Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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