at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
