No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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