Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
