Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
we're so committed to being not committed
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
